Drugs, relationships, drama queens, sex... we're ALL addicted, like it or not

[WES]

".... I don't care who you are... we're ALL addicted."-- The crazy blonde spiritualist from "What the Bleep Do We Know?"

I was cutting an apple, with an inappropriate knife, and, in all my awkwardness, one quarter of the apple slipped out (and I felt the blade almost slice my finger), and I picked it up and slammed it in the trash ... and I quickly exclaimed, "F-[expletive]!"

This got me thinking back to the scene in "What the Bleep...?", where the girl gets wine spilled on her dress, and then she starts to whine.... The subject was peptides and how we are addicted to these behaviors... and since "thoughts are things" we create these little things/incidents in order to appease our addiction to the whining or whatever feeling....

So, as I sat down here with my 3 quarters of apple, this got me thinking about all the "drama" posts that come up as I got online at PI....

Just like I am addicted to making awkward mistakes and having an opportunity to utter my expletive, and blame the knife, and feel anger... perhaps people are addicted to there little dramas also.

Perhaps people can look at their desire to "get their ex back", or whatever, and we can say, "Hey... it isn't my ex I want, it is the drama around all this, and I am addicted."

No matter what the lack is... perhaps we are addicted to the little game of lack too much, and so we get more of the same lack?

I mean... Do we really want our ex back, or are we addicted to the drama? Do we really want "this or that", or do we just enjoy complaining about our lack of it?

And here is a tough one, do people, on some level, want disasters to strike so they can be involved? For example, when Lady Di died, I was watching the news, and people (on the streets of America) who had never met her, nor cared about her before (or didn't even know who she was), were shown sobbing and being melodramatic.... Then they all went out and bought commemorative plates with her likeness on it.

Could it be we enjoy our lack on some level?

[Patra ~ Deliberate Sifter]

oh me me me me me...i need some therapy lol so here i am.

i'm about to get completely inappropriate in public. buckle your seatbelt, wes cause i picked you to sort me out. i think. please don't mind and just tell me what you think. if i don't like it, i'll ignore it.

i make my own money and have my own kids but like the idea of a fellow. worse..i'm monogomous by nature and take that kind of thing very very serious. and i'm recently divorced...so i'm freaking out.

so...i was seeing this guy, a deliberate creator...that wanted nothing to do with me unless he was in "the vortex".

and i freaked out about that

didn't feel important to him

i had to break it off because, although i was completely eating my heart out over him

i was also crying a few times a week, really crying...because i couldn't see how if i wasn't emotionally important to him...why on earth he would "keep" me. and i don't mean keep me as in take care of me, i have too many issues to even want that...but i mean claim me and tell me i'm his and play silly games like "what's wrong, honey" "nothing" "i know that look, what's wrong"...."i don't feel important to you" 'oh stop it, that's dumb"...he says that smiling...clearly delighted that i'm twisting in the wind over him.

so...is that really unhealthy...or...after there are no financial games to play...is that really all there is left? because...i need something to be emotional about...in order to feed my physical nature. i'm not a very physical woman unless my emotions are engaged. and...i kinda want to be interested in that kind of thing. so...(and even being nice to my kids doesn't do it...i think people think that it should...but it doesn't. being mean to them, would of course kill it...but it doesn't create it, in fact, it makes me nervous)

can you tell me what i'm aiming for here as my drama if that's not it? b/c...i think i agree...i need some drama. and...i've got the finances and kids covered, i don't mind if he joins me but i don't need saving...but...just being impressed by him doesn't do it. i know a lot of guys that i find very impressive....but...sleeping with them is a different story.

explitive at any body that judges me for being honest in public online around strangers. the ups guy just doesn't seem like they guy to ask, and my favorite female friends either have what I describe..and she's happy, or they don't...and they are not happy. so..i can't ask them...i already know what they're gonna say.

[ariesx]

That's true we are all addicted to something.I always thought of all the things you mentioned in your initial statement as addictions,but addictions are anything that we spend most of our days doing,whether it's being obsessed with sports,being a workaholic,or insist on doing things in a certain way.Actually it's anything that we become obsessed with. And we have to be careful what we say,or we will create problems for ourself.

[WES]

Aries, I know what an addiction is.... But that's the point.... Are we in denial about some of these things we do....

Like perhaps an individual wants to be in love with their soulmate, but this individual also loves that feeling of breaking up so they can "make up"... then every time we find someone we create that scenario to feel it.

Sooner or later, the "soulmate" gets tired of the crap and moves on....

I had a girlfriend that did that to me when I was young, and I loved it, but it took it's toll on me.... We use to sit in the car and cry and kiss and .... Well, we would make up. It was an addiction pattern that took bigger and bigger breakups (more of the drug) to get a bigger and bigger high.

[daydreambeliever]

DS I'm not sure the only addiction at play at yours.

It sounds like this guy has an addiction to the vortex which just isn't healthy. I think Abe would be the first to tell him that the vortex is a nice place to visit but we can't expect to live there. If for no other reason that no creating gets done in the vortex. So if you are going to be a deliberate creator who hangs out in the vortex all they time, you are actually just going to be a deliberate something else.

(though to claim a bit of bias here, I actually don't like this new language of the vortex - it's totality of you are either in or you are out is just creates problems in my head that the idea of a stream of wellbeing never did)

So I think that you should never assume the UPS guy has nothing to add and might welcome the conversation!

But yes we all need some aspects of drama - contrast is how we create so complacency and comfort can be the enemy of improvement and development. So we create contrast. That's not a bad thing. It's just when we get so hooked into it that we actually get all out of kilter and forget about the comfortable things we are supposed to be appreciating and start feeding and feeding the drama, life gets skewwy.

What is it Abe says be satisfied with what you've got and expectant for more. Sometimes we need the drama to break through the satisfaction and want more. There may be healthier ways to create and feel the drama but it's all good once we recognise the purpose it serves rather than see it for something in and of itself.

[VibingOM]

Brilliant.

[Patra ~ Deliberate Sifter]

well now, daydreambeliever, that was just plain brilliant. every word you said hit abe nuances completely...and if "are you enjoying the contrast?" is what they ask at EVERY seminar reaching for the day when we say yes and really mean it...then i guess i am almost there. but next to that guy...i was criticizing myself for not being in it...never mind trying to enjoy it. and criticizing yourself is far further from your connection than anything else. and boy could i feel it.

i really like him...but he's just not needy enough. lol. it's just not healthy, and definitely not intimate. course, my idea of intimate right now may be completely off...i reserve the right to change my mind completely and pretend that i never thought any of these thoughts.

lol.

thanks guys. nice place to come when i'm off my center. i just needed a little attention. think i'm done now.

[VibingOM]

DS,

You're not missing a source of drama, you're missing a target of desire. The problem is, you desired an Abe parter and you got a vortex drama king. You never were going to win that one. Now, you've lost your desire.

I know very well about that type of vortex addict. Let me guess, he somehow made you feel like him not being in the vortex enough to see you is because of you. Nope, it's not you at all and I suspect you're far from the first or the last he'll work this drama on. The guy has got a jumpy vortex and he can't let any life or contrast near it. He justifies that as judging life as his out-of-the-vortex problems. Indirectly, you feel like you're just not vibing high enough to attract him IN the vortex.

Knowing you DS, you probably were vibing higher than he was all along and, now that he's done with you, you're vibing like he really was, lower, as you were trying to match him.

I too am mystified by Abers who want to live in the vortex at the expense of not living life much at all. They not only are missing the point, they truly are stuck. Abe's advanced program, as has been pointed out already, is to get us to love the contrast. We chose to come to the physical plane for the contrast.

Who do we know who gets in the vortex the most and the best? Esther. Yet look at the contrast she invites from hot seaters - and stays in the vortex with Abe. THAT is living in the vortex and making it matter!

You were in a trap with this guy, whether it was intentional or unintentional on his part. You would have to be a Stepford Wife to wait around for him long enough for a few moments of love in between. When you see it as the emotional trap it was and accept that, you will look for the better things you want in a partner - and they will start showing up in your life.

As our Abe librarian here, you have TONS of vibrational escrow amassed! :-)

When you only see people with their happy face sticker on, it looks like happiness and you think, that's the kind of guy I want. Problem is, he's playing a cat and mouse game with his vortex - and you got caught in his game, with him making all of the rules.

[Patra ~ Deliberate Sifter]

Well, he wasn't blaming me for anything, but yes...he needs life in a bubble...and I would rather snuggle, and stuck...well...the thought did occur indeed. But I have faith in him, he just might pull it off. But i have a lot going on in my life and need to engage and get on with it, and just figure it out as i go. lol

As always, you are BRILLIANT, Vibing Om. You see so much, so clearly, and aren't afraid to say it.

I love it when you call me an Abe Librarian. My fantasies are deliciously obvious and unabashedly aired hanging out with peeps like you.

[daydreambeliever]

Hi DS

(just realised that I should have paid more attention to how this thread run and posted my response in a more relevant place. Oh well - you'll all work it out!)

Glad it was helpful. And I think you need to stop criticizing yourself. Look at it this way.

If you are in a relationship you are co-creating (as opposed to pro-creating but that's for another thread...) with that person. And if we agree you need contrast to truly create, then to build a relationship with someone you have to sign on for the contrast and for the good times. So if one part of the equation keeps avoiding the relationship until their "vibration" is just right then I think it's really normal to question whether person is really interested in creating a deeper relationship. And it sounds like that's really what you were responding too - whether this person was really signing-on to being with you

So to me it seems very sane and normal and reasonable to respond to the fact that this guy wasn't really able to give you what it was you were wanting. It really is just more contrast but it can be hard to feel that when the person helping provide it, is off avoiding it and sounding very enlightened as a result.

Í think he is probably well-intentioned because it's quite likely he's realised that in the past he's put too much emphasis on someone else making him feel better and is trying to avoid that this time around. Except that in doing that he's missing a key part of how you truly create a relationship and that's through the totality of all that you experience together - not just the feeling good.

So go easy on yourself and realise that it's all part of the learning. And yes, you want a guy who is a deliberate creator but one that is far enough along to realise it doesn't always have to be this vortexian experience of delight and much of the real growth and development and satisfaction will be born out of the not-so perfect moments.

And there is never anything wrong with a good cry. The only time thing that is ever a problem is when we get stuck someone - and that includes a desire to only ever experience bliss.

[Patra ~ Deliberate Sifter]

amen. that guy just wasn't really wanting the nitty gritty of relationship...and in his not wanting that and me thinking that that's what the heck the whole thing is for....i could feel the discord....big time. speaking of posting elsewhere...i think that ..on the subject of stereotypes...i was supposed to cry and complain to HIM...and i just couldn't get myself to do that. i'm not into convincing a fellow to play along. he either gets the game...or i'm gone.

he's going to be very good at that kind of thing one day. and then...some woman somewhere is going to live happily ever after. but i could feel that it wasn't going to be me...cause he's not ready for that.

want to be shocked? he's eleven years younger than me. wtf was i thinking? lol. i had no idea until it was a bit too late. then, when i found out...all i could think of was the fact that under my eyes...don't look eleven years younger. i've never felt so insecure in my LIFE! excuse the expression..but who needs that crap. not me. i don't even date guys that are pretty...good lord..younger? no. no, no, no, no.

[daydreambeliever]

Younger isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes what they lack in experience they make up for in enthusiasm... and stamina... But doesn't sound like this guy had the emotional distance in him yet though.

And it's very true how people expect us or want us to play or assume certain roles in the relationship and when we don't comply it creates the drama. I think we all do that to a degree and sometimes we match up well in the roles we want to play and the roles that are required of us. I think it's a pretty rare person who will allow someone to be all they are and appreciate and embrace it.

Anyway, you are sounding much better about the whole thing and realising that it's all just creating a stronger, clearer picture of what you want.

So by the sound of it the UPS guy is safe from being assailed by you. I'm still sure he wouldn't have minded so much.

[Patra ~ Deliberate Sifter]

see...that's what i think happened..is i was thinking about that whole "enthusiasm thing" a bit too much. but not actually doing it. and that unbalanced my bodily chemicals...or ...something. and he has dated women my age before...and so what i was thinking is...this guy really knows what he's doing. o.m.g.!!!

tweak! i just got divorced and haven't ever had intimacy outside of a relationship...okay..that's not really true...but i'm going to pretend that it is...and..my physical marriage was over a few years ago...so...like i said elsewhere..i think my drama is just that i'd like to be snuggling..but i'm not...and...i'm so freaking particular that i can't...unless the dynamics are just right. i need to be in love...and he's gotta love me too...and i'd rather just be some bottled up suburbanite than settle for anything less than that. and...passing time with a guy just isn't enough with me..."enthusiasm" or not.

boy did that thought sure turn my head though. and he's magnificient in all the ways that i want too...but, either too young for what i want...or just not really all that interested in this particular chic.

bummer. my loss.

moving on.

my ups guy isn't really ...naw. i'll just wait. there will be another. i'll tweak on him ...and he'll reassure me...and he'll...hhhmm. not actually sure about his part. maybe we can get some guys talking about that...what's the game that they like to play, really? i'd be interested to know my script, so that if i really like him...i can play the role...and we'll just live happily ever after with our drama.

and you are right..i am feeling much better. i deliberately use this community for my own emotional stability. and it delivers every time. because i know full well that that's what i'm using it for. and sure do appreciate the other pi addicts that hang out and offer their attention and play along with the drama when i need it...its the best gift another can give...eating popcorn and making light of our troubles, gathered round and observing ourselves. takes the edge off of life...big time.

thank you so much, you guys.