Drugs, relationships, drama queens, sex... we're ALL addicted, like it or not

[WES]

".... I don't care who you are... we're ALL addicted."-- The crazy blonde spiritualist from "What the Bleep Do We Know?"

I was cutting an apple, with an inappropriate knife, and, in all my awkwardness, one quarter of the apple slipped out (and I felt the blade almost slice my finger), and I picked it up and slammed it in the trash ... and I quickly exclaimed, "F-[expletive]!"

This got me thinking back to the scene in "What the Bleep...?", where the girl gets wine spilled on her dress, and then she starts to whine.... The subject was peptides and how we are addicted to these behaviors... and since "thoughts are things" we create these little things/incidents in order to appease our addiction to the whining or whatever feeling....

So, as I sat down here with my 3 quarters of apple, this got me thinking about all the "drama" posts that come up as I got online at PI....

Just like I am addicted to making awkward mistakes and having an opportunity to utter my expletive, and blame the knife, and feel anger... perhaps people are addicted to there little dramas also.

Perhaps people can look at their desire to "get their ex back", or whatever, and we can say, "Hey... it isn't my ex I want, it is the drama around all this, and I am addicted."

No matter what the lack is... perhaps we are addicted to the little game of lack too much, and so we get more of the same lack?

I mean... Do we really want our ex back, or are we addicted to the drama? Do we really want "this or that", or do we just enjoy complaining about our lack of it?

And here is a tough one, do people, on some level, want disasters to strike so they can be involved? For example, when Lady Di died, I was watching the news, and people (on the streets of America) who had never met her, nor cared about her before (or didn't even know who she was), were shown sobbing and being melodramatic.... Then they all went out and bought commemorative plates with her likeness on it.

Could it be we enjoy our lack on some level?

[WES]

Deliberate,

I would be remiss if I claimed to be able to sort it all out.... I catch myself every day doing things "out of the vortex", only to have another person (usually claiming they ARE in the vortex) telling me to how it works.

But I will say, that if by "emotional" you mean you don't feel good, then by all means... keep on keepin' on!

Perhaps all this sensitivity is your greatest power in disguise!

[Patra ~ Deliberate Sifter]

yeah...that's what i think too. and thank god you knew what i meant by "in the vortex"...i realized later than that might get misinterpreted and was very embarrassed.

i lived life invincible and cold for a very long time. now i cry a lot and am equally out of balance, but... i don't think i want to go back to cold, but i do think it's good to be practical and decide how you want to negotiate your agreements. this might be funny...(every time i tell this story tonight, the part that i am referring to plays on the cd that i have on eternal repeat lol ...it just came on now)

i'm imagining a conversation that esther has with jerry. abe says it goes something like

esther says to jerry when she is out of the vortex and knows it:
I should go get abraham and let you live with them
and jerry rarely disagrees
because to interact with someone who not only knows their value, but also knows yours is really nice.

so...how about
"mew"...she says
"what do you want?" he says
"kiss me and tell me i'm important to you" she says
"you are the moon in my eye blinding me in beauty, and the thorn in my side that reminds me that i am alive. come here and kiss me and be my problem".

that's what i want. i think. but it could be just that i've temporarily lost my mind. it does happen sometimes.

a friend of mine just told me about "a second life"...a virtual world. she wants to show it to me tomorrow. there's an abe group there that i think i might check out. the whole thing seems big and a little scary...but i think i could use a very nice distraction, and stop embarrassing myself in the forum.

[VibingOM]

OK, DS,

Your mini scene is very good and very interesting. You just put it out there the kind of relationship you want and that's what Abers get to do. Of course, with this man, I suspect you've bent your desires a bit to fit the reality of this relationship. Don't bend those desires too much and only you know how much adjusting you've already done.

But we'll take it as it is, your desires for now and the situation as it is.

So. allowing for everyone's personal dynamics, it all looks pretty reasonable in your mini scene.

You want him to flat-out tell you that you're important to him. I know you think that sounds pushy, but the cliche is that women demand to hear "I love you," so you're really not being pushy! Unless he's an introvert and has trouble saying that, wouldn't it be nice if you didn't have to ask? But still, not a dealbreaker, vibrationally, as long as he confirms that now and then in some manner.

As for " ... and the thorn in my side that reminds me that I am alive," that sounds poetic for contrast. Wouldn't it be nice if he owned up to causing you just as much contrast? Still, if he owns up now and then, not a vibrational dealbreaker and if he thinks having a gf is contrast, that is what it is.

Couples aren't cardboard cutouts. No two soul are alike so no partnership is alike.

But what won't work for you as an Aber, in my humble opinion, is you believing the final phrase: "... and be my problem."

You're already indicated you've can run your own life with children. You can't look to anyone outside of yourself to take care of you or be the source of your happiness. You know that. Is that feeling of being a problem for a male to take care of some limiting belief from how things seemed between men and women in your parents era?

If you figure out where that comes from and quit allowing yourself to fall into that thinking, you might fix this relationship and you certainly will be so much happier in your inner being - so much so that you might not care about this relationship. That's letting go. That also frees you to be with whoever HAPPY YOU truly desires at that point.

By even projecting that you could want to fit into a relationship that include the final phrase "... and be my problem ..." you are giving him control of your life. You have to control your own life. You can't control his. You know that, too.

You've got this, DS, and you have all the tools and knowledge you need. You know all there is to know about Abe. All you need is your friends here to point out what you already know. Not one of us can figure it all out from where you are standing, in the middle of it. So we come here, just like you did. That's what we're here for. We're here for Abe, the love, the friends - and, yes, the contrast!

You know what's missing on the PI Forum? We just don't have any Happy Face Stickers who come here to tell us how great they are every day, then disappear without listening to others. PI members come here to be alive and engage in the dance - just like you are doing!

[VibingOM]

Pat,
I'm not answering Wes' humorous opening. I'm replying to a followup post with DS and to previous posts by DS. That's why my post starts, OK, DS. That's why my post is under her thread, not off to the left. So I'm talking about something different from what you think I am. I'm not talking about the Esther and Jerry mini scene.

[Pat]

I wasn't referring to Wes' opening either, but never mind, I've deleted the comment, it's no big deal to me. Sorry.

[Patra ~ Deliberate Sifter]

vo. i broke it off b/c i was crying alot. that's all. i was tweaked and i couldn't fix it, the feelings were just too...too. . and i think that i was crazier about him than he was about me, and i just know better than to get involved with that...thanks, but no thanks.

and cold hard reality is that i don't need a relationship to be just fine. and...that's my drama...i want to be crazy about a guy...but i require that he be just as crazy about me. and...i could feel that this guy might have been the end all be all...but that i was going to have to forgo the drama of being...a little bit needy. and i think i chose to be needy at a very deep level...because i was litterally out of my head in pain over something, and exhausted...and now..in only two days..i'm back to not really needing much sleep, i wake up refreshed...my body feels good...i'm still spending way to much time thinking about this...but i figure i'll stop eventually.

i wasn't looking for a relationship when this happened, and, i think i'm still not. i love the idea of one for the physical benefits...snuggling more than anything, i don't think i have snuggled nearly enough in my life and am drawn to the idea strongly, and then there's that other thing too...but actually having one...might be a bit much for me right now. unless he's like me and is basically in it for the drama and wants to be my problem too...and we both keep our problems pretty much to superficial things and choose to just enjoy our lives however they might be right now.

the whole thing was...if he wasn't feeling completely perfect...he withdrew. and...i have children and literally have to get a babysitter in order to get them off of me, there's three of them and they are little. so...my life is in full swing pretty much at all times. and...i engage, no matter how i feel...because...i don't have the money for a nanny yet. and...crying over this guy...or any guy...pretty much gaurantees that i won't have that kind of money...i need to have my own shit together emotionally in order to do MY deliberate creating...or...i will end up with actual real life drama. and i don't do REAL drama. not if i can help it. there. that's the real reason....the drama felt real. and so i got the heck out of there. i don't have time for real drama, and don't actually want to. i want things to be simple and fun and work out on their own. or i'm not playing. period. i don't need to. i sure would have liked to have snuggled though. i guess wishing i were snuggling and not being able to can be my drama.

[Hooked on Sparkles]

Oh! THIS is why Pat's post wasn't there. (I had already suspected this.)

[daydreambeliever]

Just a request but can we never again use the term

"Wes's opening"

with out adding the word paragraph or something after it.

I'm a highly visual person....

[VibingOM]

I saw this "Wes's opening" reply twice today, and since I'm the one who introduced the phrase "Wes's opening," I somehow felt responsible.

But on the first 2 passes of this reply, I still didn't "get" it - and then ... UGH! GOT IT!

You must have swung through the jaded part of Sydney last night before you posted - and Mary Ho (aka Bo Peep) must have been out watching her sheep party. You both have posted a bit off color in recent hours. I like it. If we can't get a real thrill via the Internet, we all love good cheap thrills, but perhaps that does not include Wes' opening.

[Hooked on Sparkles]

I don't see Pat anywhere here...

Gad, this gets weird. I went back to the start of the thread and am working my way through. I also find it interesting that one of DS's responses that I read last night now says, "1 hour ago." I swear time is getting twisted around here...or is my clock running backwards again?

Oh, and who knows? This particular reply may not appear where I think it's going to appear...

[Hooked on Sparkles]

Yep! My more recent reply will be read sooner than the one I posted earlier...

I give up.

[Patra ~ Deliberate Sifter]

what?
is there a new drama to poke at? cause mine got old. lol