Ok, I have stayed with my relative, and I've had this recent spit(see thread on abuse).
I don't take score, but I have a couple of times owed them money and they've done things for me like moving belongings(I know out of family obligation guilt).
They have reminded me continually when they've had the chance of how much. And so sometimes I dream they come back and have a devistation and need money so I can just give them a grand or two and relieve for good this crazy guilt they've helped instill in me!
I basically want the universe to do something that evens the score so their games of guilt over having done things for me, or let me stay with them for low or no rent a few times is over in THEIR <Minds not only mine. I guess I don't want them to feel they always have a one up on me, and believe I used them, etc...I want to feel even so I can go about my life with a clean slate(they've manipulated into being unclean as when they did things for it wasn't really out of unconditional love, it was out of sick obligation or over their religious beliefs).
Well you are keeping score. And you're wanting revenge. Any guilt you are feeling is there because you are allowing that feeling. Yes, they are trying to push your buttons on all these different levels, but you are the one who is allowing that to happen. You are reacting to what they are doing. Because you are reacting to it, they are continuing to do it.
As you know, it doesn't matter what they are doing or why. It only matters how you allow yourself to feel. If you want to feel "even" (there's no such thing), then decide that's how you feel. If you want to feel better, then let go of the idea of being guilty of anything. How you feel is always your choice. Again, as you know, how you feel changes your energy. If you stay in a negative emotion, that's the focus of your energy and you'll continue to deal with negative experiences, and it will be harder to move though it and allow yourself to receive what you want to get your own place.
Get yourself grounded and centered and allow that negative emotion and energy to flow out of you so that you can begin to focus on feeling better. Right now, that is the main thing. Feeling as best as you can no matter what else is going on around you. You are allowed to feel better. You are allowed to feel safe and secure and ok with yourself and your life. =)
Ross - Tolemac
ok so I'm wanting revenge because they guilt me! And I wish to give them at least $1,000 so I don't feel the have the right to vibrationally and with family members tell everyone I owe them for favors and money.
I want her husband the heck out of my life forever, and I don't even want to have to make them payments, I just want it over. I want to not ever ever think about that family and focus on my future minus their particular flavor of games being manifested again. It will be easier to move on if I'm not playing that trade for favors game with them and it's all about keeping score(not about unconditional love).
I completely understand. The only way to receive what you're wanting is to let go of the revenge and the guilt, which are just expressions of fear, and allow yourself to shift your focus. One of the fastest ways to do that is to forgive yourself for putting yourself in this situation, and forgiving them as well. When you do that, the energy will shift in your favor. It always does.
Totally off topic here and I shouldn't say this, perhaps but now I want to manifest being able to "knock out thousands of words a day without much effort" what a gift! So I am adding that to my intentions now LOL!
Don't know what your talking about, but I can see your EGO is as high as the Empire State Bld!
How about saying simply " I want go about my life with a clean slate". Period.
Because everything else is just you blaming others for how you feel and your justification about why you deserve to feel good.
And you would be the first to tell someone else that if it were someone else's post! :-}
This "game" or old habits of interaction with them can no longer be played when if you decide stop playing it, and focus on the things you really want.
The Universe is, as you well know, is already giving you exactly what you have been asking and allowing vibrationally.
You get what you vibrate, wanted or not.
If you want unconditional love, you KNOW that has to flow from YOU first.