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Ok, I have stayed with my relative, and I've had this recent spit(see thread on abuse).

I don't take score, but I have a couple of times owed them money and they've done things for me like moving belongings(I know out of family obligation guilt).

They have reminded me continually when they've had the chance of how much. And so sometimes I dream they come back and have a devistation and need money so I can just give them a grand or two and relieve for good this crazy guilt they've helped instill in me!

I basically want the universe to do something that evens the score so their games of guilt over having done things for me, or let me stay with them for low or no rent a few times is over in THEIR <Minds not only mine. I guess I don't want them to feel they always have a one up on me, and believe I used them, etc...I want to feel even so I can go about my life with a clean slate(they've manipulated into being unclean as when they did things for it wasn't really out of unconditional love, it was out of sick obligation or over their religious beliefs).

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Hello Laura,

Well you are keeping score. And you're wanting revenge. Any guilt you are feeling is there because you are allowing that feeling. Yes, they are trying to push your buttons on all these different levels, but you are the one who is allowing that to happen. You are reacting to what they are doing. Because you are reacting to it, they are continuing to do it.

As you know, it doesn't matter what they are doing or why. It only matters how you allow yourself to feel. If you want to feel "even" (there's no such thing), then decide that's how you feel. If you want to feel better, then let go of the idea of being guilty of anything. How you feel is always your choice. Again, as you know, how you feel changes your energy. If you stay in a negative emotion, that's the focus of your energy and you'll continue to deal with negative experiences, and it will be harder to move though it and allow yourself to receive what you want to get your own place.

Get yourself grounded and centered and allow that negative emotion and energy to flow out of you so that you can begin to focus on feeling better. Right now, that is the main thing. Feeling as best as you can no matter what else is going on around you. You are allowed to feel better. You are allowed to feel safe and secure and ok with yourself and your life. =)

Deep Peace,

Ross - Tolemac

Conscious Energy Healing

Conscious Energy Meditation

ok so I'm wanting revenge because they guilt me! And I wish to give them at least $1,000 so I don't feel the have the right to vibrationally and with family members tell everyone I owe them for favors and money.

I want her husband the heck out of my life forever, and I don't even want to have to make them payments, I just want it over. I want to not ever ever think about that family and focus on my future minus their particular flavor of games being manifested again. It will be easier to move on if I'm not playing that trade for favors game with them and it's all about keeping score(not about unconditional love).

I completely understand. The only way to receive what you're wanting is to let go of the revenge and the guilt, which are just expressions of fear, and allow yourself to shift your focus. One of the fastest ways to do that is to forgive yourself for putting yourself in this situation, and forgiving them as well. When you do that, the energy will shift in your favor. It always does.

ILLUSIONS!! Calling Illusons! Pop in here with some of your awesome tactics :):):):)

Attracting Illusions here!!! :):):):)
So let me see if I've got this straight:

Your sister's been married to the same guy for almost 30 years. Not everything is perfect, but they lead stable lives, and are prosperous enough to have careers and own a home.

They are some stripe of Christian (Evangelicals, I'm guessing), and you don't approve of their religious beliefs. You're kind of contemptuous of their religion, in fact, think they're not very authentic or sincere in their beliefs, and resent any perceived attempt to "impose" them on you.

You have little in common with them, do not have a close, warm relationship with your sister, and rarely see each other--except when you get in a spot of trouble and need their help. They step up to the plate by "loaning" you money, transporting your belongings, or giving you a roof over your head when you're about to end up on the streets. And they have done this many times. They don't have to, but I'm guessing your sister is old enough to have fallen/been pushed into a caretaking role when you were kids, and she's still acting as caretaker for you. She may not like it, she may do it out of obligation, she may not feel much affection for you, she may not approve of your lifestyle or spiritual beliefs, and she may see you as wayward, irresponsible, and a flake--but you are her sister, and it's very hard to give up on family even when you don't much like them. So she gives you the help you need because to abandon you would weigh too heavily on her conscience. And yes, maybe her religion tells her to. But whatever her motivations, she still chooses to provide what you need, each and every time.

Since you're just his sister-in-law, her husband doesn't even have that strained familial bond to you your sister has. You're just the flaky kid sister who still can't/won't get her act together, who he keeps bailing out of trouble for his wife's sake. If it were up to him, you'd get bus fare and directions to a homeless shelter if you were lucky. So he doesn't really have any motivation to ensure you feel welcomed in his home, or that he's happy to see you. I imagine he can be pretty snide, and rude, and not too worried about making you feel good about yourself. So he doesn't, which I imagine is what you call "abuse." And his kids have probably heard all about Flaky Aunt Laura, and thus don't have much respect for you, either.

But the truth is, you don't feel guilty because they "make" you feel guilty; you feel whatever guilt you do because you know you're using them. You don't even care much for your sister, but expect her to be sweetness and light toward you every time you go begging. I mean, how dare she mention that she's doing you a favor at her own expense and inconvenience, or try to suggest you live differently so you don't keep needing her assistance?

And god forbid she make you feel uncomfortable by letting her drug-addict son stay at her house (where she at least knows he'll be safe, and can keep an eye on him, and maybe help him) while you are there. That she's heartbroken about it, and terrified of what could happen to him, and wants to do everything in her power to help her own child is totally unreasonable when it makes you feel bad. How dare she. I mean, really.

And you're sister's not an emotionally warm sort, and has never really wanted you around, and only helps you out of duty and obligation, not genuine love? That hasn't stopped you from using her, has it? You know she isn't happy to help you out, but you let her do it anyway, then complain about not feeling welcomed, and being guilt-tripped.

And now you're pissed because you feel you owe them some token gesture to even the score so you can stop feeling bad?

Wow. Just...wow.
Laura, now I understand what you mean about feeling bullied. To think that Vorician took that much time to rewrite his/her interpretation of what you said just to give the clever punch line at the end of "wow" says a lot.

Laura, remember what Abe says.... Focus on the things that make you feel good. Pretty sure that post above doesn't make anyone feel good.

Let's redirect our energy :):):):):)
Actually, it took me very little time to write all that. I used to write for a living, and can still knock out thousands of words a day without much effort.

Editing what I wrote to make it shorter? That takes time. Obviously, I didn't do that.

Totally off topic here and I shouldn't say this, perhaps but now I want to manifest being able to "knock out thousands of words a day without much effort" what a gift!  So I am adding that to my intentions now LOL!

Don't know what your talking about, but I can see your EGO is as high as the Empire State Bld!

I just read what you wrote in several scattered comments, and put the pieces all together in one spot. Sure, there's a bit of speculation on my part in there, but I've seen this exact same dynamic play out in other people's lives (usually, but not always, the families of active substance abusers), and certain elements always show up.

No, I may not have got all the fine details right, but that doesn't change the fact that you continued to use your sister and brother-in-law as a safety net, despite your negative feelings for them, and despite knowing they were less than thrilled with that role. And yet you still want to be able to claim they are the insincere, abusive ones. That part? That's all straight from your own words.

You may not want to see the connection between that and your ongoing troubles, but I sincerely hope, for your own sake, that one day you do.

How about saying simply " I want  go about my life with a clean slate". Period.

Because everything else is just you blaming others  for how you feel and your justification about why you deserve to feel good.

And you would be the first to tell someone else that if it were someone else's post! :-}

This "game"  or old habits of interaction with them can no longer be played when if you decide stop playing it, and focus on the things you really want.

The Universe is, as you well know, is already giving you exactly what you have been asking and allowing vibrationally.

You get what you vibrate, wanted or not.

If you want unconditional love, you KNOW that has to flow from YOU first. 

 

All true, Marcy, and I for one think Laura is on a path to exactly there!!

I'm actually so excited all day because that is exactly what I am witnessing :):):) LOVE flowing from Laura and that is exactly why she has love flowing to her at this moment !!!! ( with the exception of a few late bloomers lol)

@all ...we are all on our own paths and everyone learns their individual lessons in their own time! The ONLY way to contribute to someone's expansion is to come from a place of love. Period. :)

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