Ok, I have stayed with my relative, and I've had this recent spit(see thread on abuse).
I don't take score, but I have a couple of times owed them money and they've done things for me like moving belongings(I know out of family obligation guilt).
They have reminded me continually when they've had the chance of how much. And so sometimes I dream they come back and have a devistation and need money so I can just give them a grand or two and relieve for good this crazy guilt they've helped instill in me!
I basically want the universe to do something that evens the score so their games of guilt over having done things for me, or let me stay with them for low or no rent a few times is over in THEIR <Minds not only mine. I guess I don't want them to feel they always have a one up on me, and believe I used them, etc...I want to feel even so I can go about my life with a clean slate(they've manipulated into being unclean as when they did things for it wasn't really out of unconditional love, it was out of sick obligation or over their religious beliefs).
Unconditional love is being able to take a step back and seeing what is the ultimate good for that person. It is also being able to speak the raw truth even though it might hurt you because the end result is for that person to be in a better place in life.
What most people don’t understand is that giving unconditional love is not about providing a person with everything they want or ignoring inappropriate behaviour.
Unconditional love is not co-dependent.
Unconditional love is sincere and honest. It looks at the best and weakness of a person and encourages that individual to step forth out of victimhood and weakness. Then, it stands back. It does not drown the person into its own weakness.
I see a lot of people here have love for Laura, if not they wont bother to answer to her threads at all :)
I also believe the people who truly love and care for me tell me things as it is without worrying about how I feel towards them. They just want to see me in a better place, having my own power.
And in the end I am always so thankful for those who are able to see for me what I do not see myself.
I fully agree with you Natasha and I love your words of
"Unconditional love is not co-dependent.".
Thanks for this great, honest and personal reply Vortician
"I gradually lost all my sane friends"
maybe I'll start a thread called, "When your family is insane?"
This is so good WonderfulGarth
And thank you to Marcy and Flowerpatch too :)
Ha! in 2014 I did NOT realize the codependent remark totally applied to me. Unconditional Love means loving no matter what. Loving it all. Everything.
I actually LOVE this how we CAN unconditionally love WITHOUT it meaning we are being codependent or taking abuse. Like really, well put.
Laura, I am sure you must have heard of the Drama Cycle or Drama Triangle
If not, check it out as your situation is a classic example
Might give you some new insight.