Okay, I am trying so hard to keep calm, and do the best I can for peace but in the past few weeks I have noticed a difference from my partner.
Such as the following:
When I say I love you, I look at him in the eye. He sometimes walks away and says I love you. Or he says it quickly without sounding meaningful and I write texts and when I put I love you, I don't get a text back saying I love you.
Everything is so f&%n weird and I just pray for something good to happen because I don't think I can cope.
He has said to me that he does want to make this relationship work but I don't see anything happening on his part???
It leaves me confused so so so so so much. When I want to clarify anything or ask him a question, he doesn't want to know.
Reading Thich Knat and he says Love is understanding. Well I want to understand.
Even recently we had sex, and I just felt I was just a 'vagina vessel', so he can get off and no care if I didn't???
I just feel he is on his selfish path again. Which is really sad and yet my heart goes numb and slightly breaks.
Actions speak louder than words. A few months ago he was attentive, he even looked at me, now he isn't looking at me much, just avoids eye contact and I remember him doing that for the past couple of years when we weren't officially together. To me that is shifty and shady. I sense something is up, and would like to know. But if I do ask, I wouldn't know how to ask without him saying Its not about you?
I want our relationship to truly work, however I see the past being recreated again. I am sitting by and observing, analysing wtf is truly going on and what is with the change????
I am doing the best I can to keep my head above water, being positive, meditating and writing in my gratitude journal. I am just not sure what I am doing wrong to have this happen again??? Been stepping back, not acting needy or clingy either.
Look forward to the responses to help me understand better,
Relationships are a reflection of ourselves. What is his behavior triggering within you? Yes, it's fear, but fear of what? When there are problems in relationships, we naturally direct our focus at the other person. This is normal. However, I would suggest bringing the focus inward, directing it at yourself (not with blame, but with compassion and understanding). What is truly frightening you? What is truly saddening you? You said this has happened before, so what thought pattern is manifesting these recurring situations? I'm not a dude, lol, but that's just my two cents there.
Thank you Steve, interesting article.
I am one to always compliment my partner, and yet I don't receive compliments just criticism, which is sad. I used to receive compliments but hardly now.
Hi Eternity the penguin
What frightens me is that he will lose interest and end the relationship again without trying to help make it work.
I remember the thought pattern when we were together was that I wasn't worthy for him to be with me. I don't feel its that much now, only when he doesn't acknowledge me that clicks in???
I don't know, I didn't expect this to happen again, its very sad.
This article is sooo good.
Hi Llawen Gweddw and thank you.
Okay, maybe but what if it isn't my fears?
Hi Goddess Spirit Girl, if his actions trigger unworthiness within you, that means that the belief is still there. That's what he's mirroring back to you: your low self-worth. I understand if you believe that he is the source of the problem, I don't blame you, and he is responsible for his actions. But I would say the true source of the problem is the belief that you aren't worthy of love. That's definitely not true, and that's why it doesn't feel good for you to believe that. Circumstances are only a reflection of what's happening inside of ourselves, so try not to become entangled within these situations, looking for solutions outside of yourself. This is why we should avoid seeking validation outside of ourselves too- it's quite fleeting, it doesn't last long. Self-love and worth is something we must provide to ourselves, then the outer world will mirror that back to us. I know it may be annoying to hear, but happiness and love starts with you. Within yourself. You don't need anyone else to provide it to you. You fill yourself up, and then you extend that love to others. I know that in our society, the idea of love is to rely on someone else to make you happy, and fill any voids or emptiness you have. But that's something we have to do for ourselves. :) So again, I'd say start shifting the belief that you aren't worthy. It's clearly still present in your mind / vibration. I understand that you're afraid of losing him, but I think that you are truly afraid of losing yourself. Afraid to feel that unworthiness again. Of course you are worthy of all of the things that you truly want, why wouldn't you be?
You are right Eternity the Penguin.
More self love meditations will help me. Some days I feel spurts of worth come to me, realising my potential and I lift myself up. Fear gets in the way and I am trying so darn hard, fighting match with my mind and heart and mind comes out on top argh so frustrating. My ego comes out see its happening again, you are not desirable (especially when I know he watches porn) and bla bla bla. I have to tell myself I am desirable, I am worthy but its convincing myself of this of course :)
Been seeking new meditations to listen to. I just did the Deepak Chopra Love Meditation. It helps :D
What can I do to look for solutions outside myself?
In order to find solutions for things happening outside of yourself, go within yourself. You can tell yourself this, or even meditate on this: "I am open to solutions that feel really good to me". It's okay if a solution doesn't come immediately, so as long as you remain open to one, it will find you. Don't worry too much about how it'll come.
Also, I'll quickly explain something about the mind. I know it seems like your mind is fighting you, I completely understand this because I've been there. But your mind is actually following "programs" / beliefs that you have. It's our mind's jobs to operate according to the beliefs we've established, so your mind thinks that it's doing the right thing by questioning your worth (it thinks it's working for you, not against you). You don't have to fight with your mind though, or see it as a fight. That push you experience from your mind simply comes from the contrast between your old belief ("I am not desirable") and the new one you want to have ("I am desirable"). Your mind just isn't used to that thought, and it's totally normal it to reject those new thoughts at first, especially if they're opposite to what we already believe. Your mind is kind of saying to you, "But I thought this is what you believed?". If you tell your mind the reasons why that belief isn't valid / good for you anymore, it'll start to fall away in time, and the new, better belief can be established. So when you're feeling better and you're lifting yourself up, and that fear emerges, soothe it and comfort yourself. Don't fight with it, don't push it. Tell yourself that it's safe to love yourself and feel worthy. Sometimes having bad thoughts and fears come up is your mind trying to "protect" and "help" you, so this may help prevent that or at least decrease how often it happens.
Also, remember that you are in charge of your mind. I know it doesn't seem that way sometimes, but you're the leader. You get to tell your thoughts where to go, you get to choose the direction. If your mind comes out and tells you that you aren't desirable, tell it, okay, I understand why you think so. But I'm choosing to feel differently now. That belief isn't serving me anymore.
In general, just do what you feel truly inspired to do. Getting into a good-feeling place, and following those intuitions that come to you can help a lot. :)
Thankyou so much Eternity the Penguin
I do appreciate what you have said, I will do my best :)
I have come back to this thread and reading your message Eternity the Penguin. Feelings of unworthiness is coming up again. We went out to see a movie last night and I said See isn't it good that we go out and do things. His reply Its alright. It made me think, WTF is going on? Then he asked Did you take that personally? I said Yes and he says Of course you do, you take everything I have said personally. ARGH
So yeh back to my unworthiness. It looks like I need to fill myself back up and do things with me. If he wants to join in, then great. Its nice to do things with your partner, and yes I do believe in giving space (learnt that).
I am worthy dammit :)