I firmly believe we can not change another person. We can however make them aware of a personality issue and provide information on how they can change if they choose to. I have a friend that is great with other friends and most people but when he is with his staff at work he is domineering and almost abusive in his treatment of them. He treats most staff like children in that he does not respect their opinions and talks loud and over them when ever he disagrees. I am looking for suggestions of books or videos that address this topic so I can suggest he address this issue. We have already talked a little about this but it's not really improving even though he brings up communication and teamwork in weekly meetings. The staff is afraid to say anything so they just sit their quietly.
In the end it is his decision weather he wants to change or not but I want to provide him with the materials he could use to help him before he looses his entire staff. He is older but the days of managing with an iron fist ended long ago.
I want to help a friend so I'm coming to this board that is always so helpful, to ask for alternative suggestions.
Thank you for any approaches you may offer.
the real answer to your question is this: change YOUR perception of the entire situation. everyone is a mirror to our thoughts and feelings. if anything, if he is a friend of yours, then talk with him about this. meditate on how the situation will work out, and he will become a better boss. but really, there's no books, audios, etc in the world that can change anyone. remember, our eyes are the windows to our minds...if you want anything or anyone to change in your outside world; change your inner thoughts. it's that simple. i've had to do it with family members, and i've seen drastic changes in people by changing my inner thoughts about people and situations. sorry, i know that's not what you're looking for, but i can guarantee you that's the true answer to "changing" anyone in your outside world.
xtina, said: " there's no books, audios, etc in the world that can change anyone"
I am living proof that this statement is incorrect. Books, Audios and other people can help enlighten other people if they do nothing more than open their mind. I found "The Secret" laying in my front yard and it changed my life because I was looking for a direction and it helped me see the options that were there.
I have read many books about LOA but "The Genie within your subconscious mind" .. Harry Carpenter is an excellent one. Not boring, not complicated but very clear in explanation... I strongly suggest to read it...
Thanks Sas, I will find it.
Does your friend think he has a problem?
We have already talked and he does understand he has issues. I am now looking for tools he can connect with, like I found, so he can make a positive change.
On the contrary you might want to read this book first before trying to INFLUENCE him. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. This is a book published in 1936. The principles presented are still applicable up to this day and still one of the best book in self-help/personal development.
This book will help you INFLUENCE your friend without him even realizing it. He will think that it was him who enabled the change within him. He will entirely believe that he is responsible for his change. That is the best way to INFLUENCE people.
Master the principles in this book and apply it to him. Believe me, the principles are so easy to master. After that you may want him to read the book also so that he will be able to master the principles.
Thanks Nikki, Already read the book and like it. I am not trying to influence him as much as I'm trying to offer a sincere view of his behavior. I can talk to him open and honestly. We might not agree but we listen to each other.
I think that is very mature and brave of you to bring something up like that to your friend. Most people would stay away. I've seen and worked with people like that. It is interesting that they don't realize that they are behaving like tyrants and much suffering they cause others. In a work situation it's usually very difficult to confront your boss.
His behavior suggests a very patriarchal approach. Very dominating and controlling. In a way it is effective because things get done, but the negative is that it's with a large dose of fear, resentment, anger, etc. It does not create a good work environment to say the least.
I think your friend is either a victim of an abusive upbringing or his work environment (his bosses) use that approach and drive other management to use it.
One persona I learned a lot with that type of individuals and personality is from Dr. John Bradshaw. He has a lot of literature on it, but he was also one of those people. So the fact he was that guy and developed into someone very personable and effective speaks volumes.
Thanks Emma, I was the same way before I found positive options that could be exercised before my ego would jump in. I am just trying to help my friend. In the end, it's always his choice.
Just to add, it is not my perception of him, it is his whole staffs perception because they have voiced their concerns to me. This could be a good team. My friend just has to make a choice. If things continue, most of the staff will leave within the next 6 months. He needs to learn how to complement people on a job well done. He is wonderful with everyone that doesn't work for him. I believe he can improve his situation, I just need to find some tools to help him. Ergo, my post.
As Emma rightly pointed out, this is a pattern for your friend, given to him by others. That pattern stems from his fear. Until he allows himself to let that fear go, he will continue to follow the pattern. While books and videos may help, the best thing he can do for himself is to get into some form of therapy. He needs direct guidance and counseling from a professional.
Thank you for your well thought out comments. There is a pretty big jump from problems to professional help. I am looking for an intermediary step that can start to help him towards self realization. If he then decides to go the professional route, all the better. As I mentioned, I have been through his same journey and finding the book "The Secret" open my mind to so many possibilities. Personally I like Jim Rohn, Dyer or Vitale type approaches.