I am doing these two (A&B) short term projects, one of them(A) is almost coming to an end.
But I do not get along with the lead of this A-team. To list a few -this person has zero manners, doesn't seem to display great potential as evident from the quality of his work. I had raised this issue with the main lead who agreed with what I had to say and corrected this person's strategy. This lead-A was also instructed to involve other team members in decision making. As a result, there were some slight changes but no real transformation. I even requested a transfer to another project but that was difficult at the time. He has no regard for others' opinions. And even though this is a purely intellectual endeavor, it feels like we are blindly following orders like in a military setting. I was really excited about this opportunity and was doing so well. But now, if you raise concerns or come up with better solutions they are rarely valued. If you can agree with everything this person says and praise his work then you get special considerations. I could go on and on but you get the idea. It is just this one person that I cannot take. Everyone else on this team and the other team are very polite and professional. The lead of team B is one such person and is more competent as well. I wish this person Lead A was just like her. That would be my ideal work environment.
One time I deliberately tried raising my vibration and things went well but the next day I was again noticing the same behavior. I tried not to let myself be bothered by it because it is only a short term project but I really don't wish to disturb my vibration because of this one person. I have some other important work to do that is very demanding. Now the reason I don't quit is that I have worked very hard until now before this lead 'came to power' and I so want my results! I cannot go discuss with the main lead again because I am afraid I might look like I always have problems. I don't want that because I wish to work with this main lead in the future, this is a great professional to collaborate with.
I am wondering what would be the best practical solution to this issue. How can I experience good/better circumstances ( with respect to this Lead A) with the least vibrational work? Should I try to ignore it as much as I can? I am sure others have experienced similar situations. What would you do if faced with this issue?
Edit: You know something interesting about this: I have not had such obnoxious people in my work life for the past 8 years, not since I discovered the LOA ( Yay!) The most and the last time I experienced such people was when I worked at an institution in a particular town. And this person happens to be a resident of that town. I don't think that it is a coincidence.
There is no one to bargain with, no deal to make, there is only My Self, This One That I Am.... This One That is All.... This One That is Alone .... This ALL and This ONE.
Thanks for the message Roses.
If the A project is coming to an end, then its going to be a short time and you may not have to deal with the lead of this A team. Now sadly there are some people with zero manners out there. I know a few. However like most things appearances are often deceiving. Don’t be fooled by this persons appearance, as beneath the surface there can and often is a great deal more going on.
Now secondly also please recognise that that slight change would have been nuge and congraluate yourself on having achieve it (as when you do you will often start more changes happening). Look for what you can be grateful with this person for. There are often hidden depths or treasures that we need to find with others. It sounds strange, but believe me when you start look for things you can be grateful for, at first glance you might think there is none, but look deeper. Often when you find one, that starts multiply and then magically other things show up just as a matter of observing the first.
Thank you so much for your response.
Yes I could look at this person and focus on his qualities. For example-this person is very hardworking and gets things done in time. And I am sure I could find more if I looked further in that direction.
I know this person is heavily influenced by his environment .We both belong to different cultures, two cultures with different mannerisms. But that is just 50% of the whole story. This person can think for himself and 50% comes from his own arrogance,ignorance and inflated ego.
Yes it is only a matter of few days, may be 10-15 at the most before we wrap up and say our final goodbye.
I do have the tolerance and patience to make it till there.
But my point is is it right for me to do this? I can put up with his quality of work. I can even let some things pass without taking them personally. But this guy loses it when you dont comform to his 'orders' . Yesterday, we came across an instance where we both had different opinions. This person kept pushing his opinion and rejecting mine and refused to explain his reasoning, so there is no scope for discussion. Only to realize what a fool he was when we received an obvious and objective evidence to support my opinion. After all this drama, we come across another similar instance and this person behaves in the same exact way again!
I can put up with his poor quality of work and stupidity and ego. But I feel like it is not right for me to compromise my value and self respect by tolerating his arrogance. That is my only issue.
Sure. Okay great you have awareness that 50% comes for his arrogance. Cool. However that is unlikely to help you feel better. For now, doing anything that makes you feel better is going to help you feel better. Now when you say “is it right for me to do this” that’s more to do with judging this situation and yourself and your actions. Judgment of any kind rarely makes people feel good (a sign from the universe that its off target). Now your 100% right its not right for you compromise your value and self respect but this is again judging him and his actions and judging you which doesn’t make you feel good. So what can you do to make you feel better? You see this is so key. If its only 10-15 days, that’s not long at all. You may want to find other way sof dealing with this situation. For now, what can you do to make you feel better or good. Is there any colleagues you can discuss this with? Is there any other managers in place who witness this? Sometimes, I know I have found letter writing where you confess all the thoughts and emotions out on paper to be really helpful as often times in writing it down you distance yourself from the heavy emotions and it can be quite an enlightening process to see whats actually in our heads (I often burn the paper as for me its a bit like sending it to the universe).
Thanks for replying GB.
Yes, it is just going to be a few more days before we finish.
I think I must be more concerned about how this experience came into my reality. I need to be more deliberate with my thoughts. It is more important that I do the damage control from within. I know that some things in life really need my attention. And my ignorance and laziness towards it is causing me stress. This person is most likely matching that vibration of mine and hence came into my reality. May be I am wrong. But this experience with the project lead was surely a wake-up call.
People who work in my team do notice this but I guess they are ok. It is hard to explain but let me try: we are all at different places in our careers and even though I have less experience in this particular field I have far better experience in other fields( in the same career). So I have different(bigger) expectations from the quality of work I do and the kind of behavior of my co-workers.
I could raise this issue with the senior-most person. But I dont want to look like I have issues. The good part is I had approached her with this issue at the start itself. So she has some idea. If I ever feel like I cannot deal with this anymore I could approach her directly again.
I think I should focus more on other aspects of the project and ignore her behavior for now.
But in the future,if I have to, I think I will not tolerate as much as I did now. Lesson learnt.
The universe is abundant after all, why suffer for some results?
So notice how you feel when you look at this person's good qualities? For me, its about feeling good and looking for ways to feel good. So if this helps you feel better then its worth while doing. If it doesn't then don't do it. However, focusing on his negative aspects will not help you feel any more better. 10-15 days isn't a long time and so its not impossible. Like you say you have the patience to do it if you choose to.
Is it right for you to do this - sadly the only person who can answer this and knows the answer isnt me but YOU. This is your life, so whilst I can share what may work for me, it isn't guaranteed to make you feel good or better about things. So doing whatever you can to feel good right now is by far the best thing to do.
Now its not a life long compromise you are making here, but a short one (10-15 days is short). Also you are not compromising your value or self respect at all. Likewise you don't have to tolerate his arrogance and you can equally argue if you choose to do so (but I don't think this will make you feel better). So again, what steps can you take right now to feel good about the whole thing?
LOA talks a lot about focus. So this is one of the reasons I often advise people to do what ever they can to feel GOOD in the here and NOW. This alone not only helps you feel better but vibrationally shifts you.
This does sound like a rather unpleasant work situation and my heart goes out to you. It sucks to have rude/ignorant/narcissistic/<any other negative adjective here> co-workers, especially when they are in a superior position.
However, I have been following your posts for a few weeks and I am confident you are more than capable of meeting this challenge! :) You already have all the answers within you and it is just a matter of accessing them and being consistent and diligent in your application of a solution.
"One time I deliberately tried raising my vibration and things went well but the next day I was again noticing the same behavior. I tried not to let myself be bothered by it because it is only a short term project but I really don't wish to disturb my vibration because of this one person."
If raising your vibration worked once, it can work again. But you have to do it consistently, even if it seems like it is not working. You have to train yourself to stop "noticing" what this man is doing and then getting upset/judgmental/being knocked out of alignment with what you want (to feel good and at peace). You can't serve two masters, so, if you are thinking about him and his bad behavior at all, you can't also be thinking about what you want/staying in a good vibration.
Be gentle with yourself tho. Remember that we aren't perfect, and that keeping a consistently high vibration is not always easy. If everyone could do it like magic, there would be no need for so many LOA books, conferences, and forums like this one! ;) It is ok if one person sometimes throws you for a loop. Resisting it won't help. Just accept that you will stumble sometimes but pick yourself up and keep trying anyway.
"I have some other important work to do that is very demanding."
Good! If you have other, more important and demanding work, focus on that instead of this man/team project as much as possible. The more you focus on something else besides this man, the better. And when you must work on the team project, focus only on what you can control. You can't control how this man behaves, but you can choose to be calm and happy with your own work no matter what. You can imagine him in a dinosaur costume or whatever you like to make you laugh and stop taking his behavior so personally, but at the end of the day, if you try your best and trust in your own competence it won't matter what he does or even the final outcome of the project, especially if you are high performing in your other work tasks.
"Now the reason I don't quit is that I have worked very hard until now before this lead 'came to power' and I so want my results!"
Naturally. We all want results. This is why LOA is so attractive and popular, I think. However, one of the funny things about LOA is that we have to let go of the attachment to all results. To say "I want my results" is to believe you are lacking them in the first place and so you are not vibrating at the level of results, but instead you are vibrating at the level of lack. You yourself have said recently in another post that the "goal and reward" of life is to "experience different things. Which is why we came forth with unique personalities and fuss over our differences." So listen to your own wisdom! Maybe this situation is already your results! Maybe there is something to learn about yourself or other people. Maybe it is a profound gift.
Only you can choose what this means for you. You could choose to use this experience as the catalyst for a great leap in your spiritual awareness. You could choose to learn about opening your heart to a new level of compassion for annoying people. You could choose to have a life-changing insight or change your perspective on the whole thing, if you wanted.
An old adage says, "No one is your friend. No one is your enemy. Everyone is your teacher." This isn't about him, and never was. This situation is about you. You get to decide what you want to feel in each moment. NOW is the only time we ever really have, everything else is memories or projections. Decide in each new moment how you want to feel, and choose that. Forget about "right"or "wrong", and instead choose what feels wise, loving, and best for who you want to be in this moment.
Your mind/ego can come up with a million reasons and ideas about what is wrong with this man and his behavior and his cultural background, and your mind will tell you stories about it and those stories lead to feelings of anxiety, anger, stress, etc. But as long as you are wrapped up in those thoughts, feelings, and stories you are giving your power away to something outside of you.
Tolerating his behavior and arrogance doesn't have to mean you are compromising your value and self respect, unless you choose for it to mean that. Quite the contrary, choosing to focus only on your peace and well-being and trusting the universe to take care of the situation no matter what the outcome, means you value and respect yourself enough to not let anyone dim your light or lower your vibration. You get to choose what your thoughts and actions mean. No one else can do that. So choose wisely.
Thank you so much for taking the time to explain all this. I so appreciate this.
Thanks for the empathy and a huge thank you for believing in me. That means a lot! :) You just made my day!
I appreciate the wonderful advice, this is so helpful.
Yes I so need to be more consistent and diligent.
Focusing on how I can learn and perform better should be my primary focus.
This experience has surely brought my attention to a lot of important yet ignored matters of my life. I can and I must make the best of this experience.
So the project is almost done.
The team leader did everything he could to give me the least credit amongst all team members. The team members deserve it because they did the work assigned to them. The leader just selectively and secretly assigned them more responsibilities, even the ones I was supposed to take on.
Some people can be so egoistic and petty! I am so glad this chapter is over.
I realized that I was feeling a lot of nervous/anxious energy when we started this project and that may have caused this situation. I will have to find some way to deal with the source of that energy.
Thanks everyone for your support!
Fantastic Infinity. Well done you. Firstly acknowledge this was a new experience and really praise yourself for how you have dealt with the challenges it provided you. Thats really key and important.
There are some people out there that are egotistical and petty for sure. I remember thinking one time about things and wrongly concluded everyone wants to be happy. Little did I realise (at that time) that some people are actually happy being unhappy. Its not my job to change those people, just be aware thats where they are at.
Another thing I would recommend (don't know if you do this already) but meditation is a fantastic tool. It doesn't have to be complicated and long. You can find some nice youtube videos that you watch that guide you through the process. Or you can sit there and just observe our breath coming in and going out. Meditation is proven method of dealing with stress and anxiety. It literally enables the body to reset and helps the body to reach areas of rest that deep sleep provides.
Thanks for your response GB. :)
You are right, this was my first time doing this kind of a project. Even though the time spent with this particular person was annoying, the rest of it was amazing. I am very happy about all the things I accomplished with this project. It is a great addition to my CV.
There were times when I thought I was going to blast this person but I am glad I didn't and instead chose to be the bigger person. I dont care about changing this person. I only care about never interacting with him again. Hahaha
I have started practicing pranayam (a type of deep breathing yoga practice) every morning. It has been a month I guess and I definitely feel the effect. The slow breathing and the extra oxygen makes you feel so relaxed and fresh! I am not able to focus fully yet but I am improving gradually. I would love to include regular meditation in my routine someday.
I think that along with meditation, it is important to be more aware and focused throughout the day. I am trying to be more mindful these days. I go back and forth. It is mostly a matter of habit. Like how I sometimes browse the internet mindlessly. Even though we are fortunate to be able to access all that information, it is really not needed. Being aware and intentional takes practice.